super frustrating

notice: this is fangirl's diary. you probably don't understand so may you willingly go away.

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i have been endure it for couple of weeks... believe in miracle.. have fought for thousand times with myself. but today, today. i'm not that strong. finally, these tears is ready to running out.

my old dreams, since a long time ago...
i have to see my power supply perform in my country. i have to see how well they actually. i have waited for this, soooooo long time!!!!! when people looked strangely at me before, this girl is crazy with her korean obsession. and then, now, people going crazy about korean in everywhere. and super junior started to famous here. gain more and more attention every second. especially my super idol, cho kyu hyun. i'm happy.

of course.. everybody loves him. hahaha he's so easy to love, hell yeah. with his cheonsa-evil manners. and angelic voice. and hard working. everybody loves him. everybody loves them. they're friendly and down to earth.

and.. they will come. am i happy? of course superrr happyyyyyyy~~~~
but.. after a long long long and super hard effortssss, i got no tickets.
crazy price. super crazy price-forme. i don't have enough money, and i'm not that crazy to ask money from my parents for something like this. i'll enter university and my parents must be need much money for this and that.

i feel worst. i wanna skip 4th june. but... i'm still happy.
you know something????
i've visit istora senayan few monts ago. i sat on the chair that might be vip class for kimchi events. i said to my friend named dien, "nye, if super junior could perform on this stage, and i sit on this chair." i pointed at the stage, and there were a band from military school -kinda forget- performed some songs. and i said that just for fun. kimchi? everyone hasn't thought about kimchi yet. february, i think. and NOW??? they really will be perform in there, in the stage that i pointed that day. but???? i'm here at my house, almost burst in tears because i have no ticket.

many many quizes i've joined. looked at my computer all day long for one ticket. tribune 2? i don't even care what class!! and i got nothing.
i've endured it all these times. why i didn't talk about it, i'm afraid if i talk about it i won't get ticket. and yeah. finally. no ticket still. and this is so tiring!!!!!!!! everybody seems can't wait to see their idols. me too. this is worst feeling. jinjja.

my lucky is bad, i really know. wae? i don't understand...
i just wanna see them, once. is it wrong??
i just wanna know how they are for real. after this years. before i know my high school i already knew them! for this long time, why can't i see them??? why didn't i get the chance? waeyo???
and they, who just yesterday knew super junior, have a good lucky, have a lot of money, can easily get the ticket?????? ah molla this world, i don't understand.

everybody said there will be ss4 in indonesia, and i can make up some plans. i also said like that. but, how do you feel??? worst still. 2 days before concert!!! your a long time idol figure, who give you much spirits.
i start to learn english more because i want to access more info about korea. i learn piano because i want to play korean songs in my own. i learn photoshop, i learn computer, how to download, how to do this and that, how to write a good fanfiction. yes. all my hobbies are related to kpop. you know they're not only idols for me, my inspiration. how to fight for your dreams.

within 2 days, they will be in our beloved country.
ah jinjja i'm frustrating. i'm upset. super upset.
this is too much. but hey!!!! i'm fangirl. i don't have your lovely cheesy bird's life. T___T totally burst in tears. this is worst feeling.
i didn't cry when shinee came, i didn't cry when tka cast, romantic princess cast, lee dong wook, rain, wonder girls, or others came. i didn't cry.
but jinjja... this is.. aaah i can't even say it. worst.

super junior. too many reflections that relate to them in my life.
even cho kyuhyun and his evil manner.
my luck is too bad. i'm not that lucky....
let's see this saturday. can you find a word more than worst?? most worst feeling.

i don't know... molla... this tears is too worth, actually. but i can't hold it anymore.... sorry :((((( T____T *tearrryyyyyy*

1. START TO LEARN DRIVING. and get driver lisence SOON!!!!! I WILL DRIVE A CAR TO SS4 VENUE, BELIEVE THIS!
2. SAVE MONEY. why didn't i do this before? because i don't know this event before. SS4 I HAVE TO COME!

yesssss. true. i'm super sad. sad. mad. sad. mad and only like that. blame me if you want. bye.